Wellness Musketeers

When Loneliness Strikes: Strategies for Wellness with Rita Abdallah

• David Liss • Season 3 • Episode 4

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What happens when loneliness becomes more than just a fleeting feeling? Join us as we uncover the complexities of loneliness in today's world with therapist and wellness expert Rita Abdallah. Through poignant stories from her practice, Rita illustrates the many faces of loneliness, from young adults struggling with romantic connections to middle-aged individuals battling chronic illness and social rejection. Gain valuable insights into the symptoms and consequences of loneliness, such as anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts, while learning the significance of taking small, meaningful steps to foster genuine connections.

Ever wondered about the fine line between loneliness and solitude? We examine this nuanced distinction, revealing how embracing solitude can lead to inner peace and deeper relationships. Rita shares her expertise on how societal distractions can create a false sense of belonging, and how yoga and physical touch play pivotal roles in overcoming loneliness. Understand the therapeutic perspective on isolation and why even those surrounded by people can feel lonely. Through Rita's lens, discover how people from all walks of life are affected and the strategies they use to find true connection.

Explore practical strategies to manage feelings of loneliness and social isolation with the help of mental health professionals. Rita discusses affordable therapy options and local resources for those hesitant to seek counseling. Learn from success stories that highlight the power of journaling, music, and nature in transforming loneliness into purposeful solitude. Key takeaways include the importance of evaluating one's environment, incorporating valuable rituals, and staying mindful of the temporary nature of thoughts. Enhance your well-being with these actionable insights and join us in thanking Rita Abdallah for her impactful contributions. 

To learn more about strategies for thriving with feelings of loneliness and Rita and her work please visit: 

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Rita Abdallah:

As a therapist, I work with adults and often I witness clients struggling with and trying to navigate the feelings of isolation, social disconnection, and loneliness. I'm not talking about moments of loneliness that naturally arise in life events such as death, divorce, and job changes. This type of loneliness that we're talking about today gradually evolves into a mindset and a wound in the heart. Loneliness somehow becomes an identity.

David Liss:

Welcome to the Wellness Musketeers podcast, your guide to navigating the world of health, wellness, and the art of living. I'm your host, Dave Liss, a journalist, and podcaster based in Washington DC. In a world inundated with wellness advice, we aim to provide actionable strategies to help you thrive. Today, we are thrilled to welcome Rita Abdallah, a therapist, award-winning performance speaker, wellness coach, yoga and meditation teacher, author and founder of Turning Point Yoga and Wellness.

David Liss:

Affecting people of all ages, from young adults navigating social media to seniors experiencing isolation, the impact of loneliness on mental and physical health is profound. This pervasive issue transcends demographics, challenging our fundamental need for meaningful connections. As technology advances, traditional support systems are forced to evolve. As technology advances, traditional support systems are forced to evolve, leaving many needing help finding their place. Today, with Rita, we'll explore this complex aspect of modern times and provide practical strategies to help you thrive amidst these challenges. Dr Vivek Murthy, us Surgeon General, states that the health risks of loneliness are as bad as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and even greater than those associated with obesity and physical inactivity. Please remember to subscribe wherever you listen to this podcast and, if you're there, please also give us a review. Five stars do amazing things for the podcast, and with that, here's our conversation with Rita Abdalla. Rita, tell our listeners about yourself, your practice and your work helping people to cope with and thrive with their experiences involving loneliness.

Rita Abdallah:

Hi Greg and hi everyone. Thank you for having me here. As a therapist, I work with adults and often I witness clients struggling with and trying to navigate the feelings of isolation, social disconnection, and loneliness. I'm not talking about moments of loneliness that naturally arise in life events such as death, divorce, and job changes. This type of loneliness that naturally arise in life events such as death, divorce and job changes, this type of loneliness that we're talking about today, gradually evolves into a mindset and a wound in the heart. Loneliness somehow becomes an identity.

Rita Abdallah:

I'll start with a story here right away. And I have a couple of clients in my therapy practice and they're young and want relationships, romantic connections. You have the idea of going out asking somebody. Spending one-on-one time with somebody in that capacity is so far away and far removed from what they could even imagine for themselves.

Rita Abdallah:

And that fear not only debilitates them, but it also paralyzes them to the point of where they shut down, get overwhelmed and it takes a while for them to recover, even after we have a very brief conversation about it. We'll have to circle back and talk about other things so that we future move into space just a little bit at a time. For example, one person that I'm working with we'll call him Peter and often says go to Starbucks and just sit for an hour and just look at people and try to think in different surroundings I probably call her and her job and he was able to go and sit for the hour but spent the entire time looking after her. So, our reinforcement was very little in a live setting.

David Liss:

I think that's becoming our natural default.

Rita Abdallah:

I think so too, and for people who crave companionship, they have to step outside of what's in their hands. They are trying to find a path forward and it has to happen with one small conversation with somebody they feel safe with at a time, or hopefully Peter can find his way into what is comfortable for him and hopefully, natural at some point he gets so foreign forward to handle my study that it's overshadowed my ability to move forward in that direction. In the loneliness phase, if we're going to talk therapy, some clinical symptoms show up and that we already highlighted with fever, anxiety, but there's also depression and guilt and even suicide happens. In the loneliness phase, people tend to shut down and feel that the world is harsh and judgmental and they're never going to be able to survive in a social setting such as their local communities or travel or do things that again may require human interaction. Is it bordering on agoraphobia? Or do things that again may?

David Liss:

require human interaction. Is it bordering on agoraphobia or something like that, where people have a loneliness of making people fearful of interaction?

Rita Abdallah:

They crave it, and yet they push it away at the same time. And the boys push it away, it's louder and louder, and so they'd rather it's safer for them. So, they think that you're being a familiar face all the time, instead of thinking that courageous. We both have fear when we interact with the world, whatever that might look like.

David Liss:

So, it's a catch-22. You don't want to be, but you're fearful, when you're with other people, from not being alone.

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, and when you are with other people, you're so uncomfortable that it makes other people uncomfortable. They don't know what their agenda is. They're stressed because of the discomfort that person is expressing, whether it's in verbal or nonverbal ways. Another story Sure.

Rita Abdallah:

I work with a middle-aged woman with a chronic illness. No one can meet new people in various social settings. In fact, she will describe what happens in those social settings. A race you know rejects it because of her being seen by others as compromised. Whether people vocalize it or not, when somebody's disabled and may need extra help according to their person, they tend not to want a whole lot of social taking or the next step to meeting one-on-one with her. And that space of rejection created loneliness in her. It's like her attempt to out of there.

David Liss:

I guess it's the kind of thing where you want something to reinforce the effort and I guess just because you're making an effort doesn't mean you'll get some kind of positive feedback for trying. Yes, effort doesn't mean you'll get some kind of positive feedback for trying. Can you tell us about your background and your work as a therapist and as a yoga teacher?

Rita Abdallah:

Yeah, I've been a social worker for over 30 years and work with people of different backgrounds who are dealing with a variety of life troubles chronic illness, relationships, job chambers and much more, and as a yoga and meditation teacher, I love teaching how the body and the breath allow us to reset the nervous system. Our studio in Cleveland, Ohio, Spring Point, yoga, and Wellness represents a sacred space dedicated to helping people find the answer, recover from trauma, recover aid in high-level yoga and meditation classes and to feel good and create wellness in the later life. And it has been so incredible to witness how students transform trauma, loneliness, pain and worn out emotional story into growth and into mistake-free feeding.

David Liss:

Can you discuss how loneliness and social isolation impact people today and give us examples about considerations related to the effect of social media and the internet on loneliness?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, prey finds into every human being during their lifetime. Sometimes loneliness is situational, occurring in a situation of death, divorce, job, children. We can remeasure in court death, divorce, job, children, breakups, romantic breakups, some kinds of perfuming that helping is missing or empty in one way. And in many industrialized countries the numbers of people who live alone, who remain unmarried and or get divorced seems to have increased. But at the same time, involvement in communities such as clubs or a political party have also, you will hear, decreased, some decrease, and one can argue that we, on average, spend more time alone and are less invested in traditional family bonds than at the beginning of the 20th century. So, beyond that, let's talk about and we'll get to words in sort of space. So, we've talked about loneliness and let's now bring in social isolation.

Rita Abdallah:

There is a distinction between the two. The American Psychological Association describes social isolation as a state in which an individual lacks a sense of social belonging through engagement with others and fulfilling relationships, for example. Social isolation is what occurs during a period of risk. When you take your mind back into COVID-19 and where you're at and what did you read on in terms of coping and support, it's very likely that you spent a lot of time on your devices. You may have participated here and there and provided some kind words to people, but for the most part you were in that space of technology more than interacting in life sanity.

Rita Abdallah:

Post-horizontal isolation is what occurred during the pandemic Graphic separation, limited interactions with loved ones, fear of social gatherings. We were forced to live in confinement within a very narrow radius geographically, socially, emotionally, and mentally. It brought me to a teaching from one of my favorite fearful people, Donald Donahue, and he fared with his insight on social isolation. When we become isolated, we are prone to being damaged. Our minds lose their flexibility and nap for a while. We become vulnerable to fear and negativity.

David Liss:

So that's social isolation, and how is social isolation linked to loneliness?

Rita Abdallah:

Great question. Let's turn to statistics that help us make that distinction. According to the American Psychological Research, loneliness is defined by fecal levels of their sexual identity or their perceived social travel. Nearly 70% of US adults have at least one social media account and the average American internet user has seven. It appears that Americans are more socially connected than ever, yet one in five records Often are always feeling low rate. Where does this lead us to this question? The social media calls are sinful and social isolation. The answer is not simply yes or no. In 2018, the Kaiser Family Foundation explored loneliness of socialized for laser. What did they discover Twenty-two percent of US adults were thought to be reported often or always fearing memory, a lack of contact, a lack of self-care or isolated from others. The majority of individuals reporting loneliness were under the age of fifty, single or divorced. Respondents reported that they have fewer confidants and or fewer or no nearby friends over the years.

David Liss:

What is the difference between loneliness and solitude?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes. So social isolation is again pretty core devices and keeping us purposefully, we keep ourselves hidden if we welcome the world and limit our interaction with others. Loneliness is a much more complex state of being that is more than just isolating that. It draws us into more peaceful existential places of how we belong, where we belong here. And so now we're going to add, yes, social isolation and loneliness, a word called loneliness.

Rita Abdallah:

Again, I return to a key thing from Don O'Donoghue in his book called Infernal Echoes. If there is one of us in the world, and it takes great courage to meet the full force of your own, most of the activity of society is subconsciously designed to quell the voice crying in the wilderness with you. And until you learn to inhabit your aloneness, the lonely destruction of noise or society will seduce you into your false belonging, with which you will only become empty and weary. When you face your aloneness, gradually, over. sense of gladness flows over It is a slow and open-ended transition, but it is utterly vital to conform to a rythym of your individuality.

Rita Abdallah:

This is the endless path of finding your true home within your lens. It is not our circumstance, for as soon as you rest in the house of your own heart, door and window begin to open outward to the world. No longer on the run from your loneliness, your connection with others becomes real and free. You no longer need to covertly scrape affirmation from others or progress outside your comfort zone and often that's the brief of third place where there's comfort and safety in mindful company, the pleasure of interacting in the world on our own and the joy of loving the self with the resistance when we experience any form of suffering by being alone or heading into loneliness. Suffering can take on the forms of thought healing, physical healing or spiritual hope. Solitude is more inspiring, uplifting and connected to the heart.

David Liss:

So does this mean that you're trying to, that you're trying to, on an individual level, take the negativity away from the experience of being by yourself and try and find value in the opportunity of being alone.

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, solitude of cooperating, that enjoyment during something whether you're at home cooking or taking a walk or watching a sunset that from enjoyment or doing something whether you're at home cooking or taking a walk or watching a sunset that you're still just growing and that you're not afraid of the quiet space that happens when you are on your own, that there are treasures and that they're not there because you're exhausted from doing those all day and distracting yourself all you want. That they're not there because you're exhausted from doing those all day and distracting yourself all you want. But they're looking forward to that quiet time, that solitude, or not only the quiet time, to maybe do nothing but maybe do something with some presence, meaning or just not one more thing to do or more thing to escape or avoid and fantasize about.

David Liss:

What has your experience been as a therapist and as a yoga teacher?

Rita Abdallah:

So we highlighted the stories of Peter and we'll call me over for some marriage and so when we highlighted those in the therapy study, you can see the individual and the struggles that they encounter, with Peter going through coffee stop and his inability to interact with others and fan of the right, whereas Mary is made for seeking that to engage others and yet there's no real substance for them, which asks for more interaction and more connection.

Rita Abdallah:

So, let's talk about loneliness now from a yoga teacher's perspective. Yes, yoga teaches us that something exists in each one of us that is limitless and real and connected to all things. That are all three. So much so that if you felt something under the surface, you would never feel alone. This is why yoga is a sensory solitary. Sure, we can go to a busy studio and feel joy as part of a community, but at the end of the day, you have to keep showing up on your mask must You stand on the mask and face whatever arises during the pressure must We keep encouraging ourselves to drop our heart so that we can gently conquer our own return and bonus of suffering.

David Liss:

Is there an element related to a lack of physical touch? I mean it could be anything from a shaking hands to a hug. Is that part of it also? I mean you don't have any physical touch or human interaction of some kind.

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, absolutely. And some of us are really comfortable in craving breath and some of us don't even know that we crave that and then some of us don't crave it at all. And there's such power in connection and physical and community and getting to know people and getting exchange in that way. So, it's difficult for the person and the situation. Great honor, it's a great question, David.

David Liss:

Well, thank you. What kind of trends are you noticing in terms group any of people that are experiencing problematic loneliness? Older people, younger people, men, women, children.

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, that's an excellent question. I think everyone and anyone is going to be touched by loneliness at some point. Are there griefs that are affected more than others? There was a poll that they conducted and 30% of the respondents 18 to 34, said they feel lonely every day, for several days a week. And the poll among 4,200 adults also found that single adults are 20% as likely as married adults to children only, which makes sense, right Thirty-nine percent versus twenty-two percent. And about 50% of these 2,200 ease their loneliness with distraction like TV, podcasts, and social media. And another 41% of that group said they go for walks or reach out to family or friends. And some of us turn to substance-like drugs and alcohol to ease loneliness, and according to this survey, fortunately, that's about 13%.

Rita Abdallah:

I would think it's a little higher than that based on what I've seen on therapy, with adults 18 to 34, more likely to use substance use, than girls 45 to 64 years of age. Now that brings up Again within 2,200 adults. The highest sense of community and belonging comes from family, friends and neighbors, and the least helpful places to feel less lonely were online communities and discussion forums. Sports and Rec team and gym and fitness practice really would say oh, you're feeling lonely, you should join a gym. If you're lonely, you should go watch a sport at a bar or go watch a game, and yet things are.

Rita Abdallah:

That's not what showed up, which I think is surprising in this particular era.

David Liss:

Yeah, I guess it's like with some of these things, you can be with other people but still, like you were saying earlier, still be by yourself in a sense. Do these statistics bear out in terms of what you've seen in your own practice and your own experience with people in the different places? You have audiences and interact.

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, even a personal example I walk outside every day and most of the people that I see on the path, if you are on their own. There are couples spending together with friends and getting together with family, but for the most part, people are on their own and enjoying their moment of self-care. That's solid. I don't think it's a bad thing or a good thing. I've been to social settings where people come on their own it's more of a norm, and so there are a lot of people impressive. There are people who again try to go to social study and try to make connections with people, and it's a big thing whether they're experiencing a positive or something else.

David Liss:

What kind of tools are there for people to address these feelings and build relationships or feelings of connection?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, another great question. What you don't have to talk about is the difference between solitude and mal-later. Solitude is an inspired faith for us, for the end right, it's that idea of belonging to ourselves and to the world, of belonging to ourselves and to the world, whereas loneliness is a space of longing. And we glance in between the solitude and loneliness and belonging and longing throughout our lives and some of us can vanish it in healthy ways and some of us make other choices that alleviate suffering or negativity and faith and federal and temporary experience of belonging. So first, in my opinion, we need to become aware of when we cross those lines between stepping out of solitude and belonging and stepping into belonging after belonging. By asking ourselves a few questions, we can determine if it's time to collectively work through loneliness and notice how often we experience feeling, to give us a clear understanding of how lonely we are day to day. Let me give you some of these questions for reflection.

Rita Abdallah:

Do I feel like I'm missing social contact with others? Do I feel I'm spending time by myself in a negative way, in a way that I'm suffering, or something else? Do I have positive and supportive relationships with my wife? This one's big for a lot of us. We have a very small circle and when those people are not available, that can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation. How does contact with your friends and family make you feel Positive, happy, hard? Do I feel like I've lost my confidence and social skills? Do I feel I have a negative view of myself and others? Do I prefer the company of my device versus being out in the world?

Rita Abdallah:

So the CDC Affidavit of Control says that people can combat loneliness by spending some time with people that they know. So, starting from a safe place where there's small interactions right, you don't have to spend four hours with people that you know and care about. Maybe it's a CME, maybe it's a phone call. Having a little bit of planning ahead might help with the anxiety and overwhelm of being out of fear in the world. Looking at clubs Meetup. org is a wonderful place if you have a specific hobby and want to feed others locally are also engaged in that particular activity. For you to get out again, you're choosing something safe, something that you know and are a part of the people that you're interacting with in those particular experiences Going out with an influencer, as I said, walking outside, catching a sunrise, sunset anything that allows your eyes to travel and feel fresh air is good for the soul.

Rita Abdallah:

Expressing gratitude to others, feeling thankful for the interactions, whatever they may be, small or big, being grateful. Find a passengera passion. If you like animals, if you like babies, life working with older adults. There's something there that's valuable and that will be that safe space for you to interact from a place that's something that you care about. Or maybe there's a neighbor or somebody local that you can say hello to.

David Liss:

Is there a perfect space? In the sense that is, it should. The expectation that we all have is that at some point in our lives we'll have some elements of solitude through our day or in the course of our week day or month, and then other times when there'll be loneliness must we address in some way. Is there an ideal state?

Rita Abdallah:

I don't know if there is. I think, because we are human, we never know Today could be a great day. I think, because we are human, we never know Today could be a great day and then all of a sudden, something suddenly happens and the switch flips and the next day you wake up differently. We all have that encounter where we're balancing the three things we're being, and so one day you're perfectly fine with being on your own and enjoying your own company, and another time you may see something on TV or something when you go grocery shopping. But you see something and all of a sudden you just walk into loneliness. You entered into that state and that space is so such a wonderful opportunity for growth.

Rita Abdallah:

So, the faster we can become aware that we are in that state of loneliness and there's a discomfort or being awkward, feeling awkward, that the moment we have that theory or that thought, that we go into it, that we're not avoiding, escaping, and running from it, that we're in the moment with loneliness, the single-stager fear. I want to get to know you a little bit better. Why are you here? What are you here to teach me? And spending that quality time to move through it? Because if we shove it somewhere. It starts to accumulate and consume us, and then can become overwhelming colon.

Rita Abdallah:

And that's become felt-free and lulling our fits. It may require other intervention and maybe you turn to something sort of a device or more, and so we want to get a full bit of loneliness. We need to turn these feelings of loneliness around and allow it to turn back, or to transform itself back into quality and learning.

David Liss:

Did I ask that question. Yeah, I think so. I think for a lot of people too, one of the most uncomfortable places to be is alone with your thoughts, and that something that gets you out of the space of being in your thoughts can take away from those feelings, not necessarily solve the problems. I guess it's a crutch as much as anything else, or it can be, seems to me, but I know I'm as addicted to my phone as most other people I meet. I don't know how you feel about how our technology is overwhelming our lives and entering into considerations for solitude and loneliness.

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, what's trending now are digital drinks. And how do we remove away from technology and into the experience of being present? Because we're here to collect and create moments and exchange meaningful connections and practice this love and joy in the world. That's our purpose, that's what we're here to do, and when we move away from our devices, we're giving ourselves our first the opportunity to check in, to look at the world through our own eyes, have our own experience of the world, and for me, when I go out with friends, I'll leave the phone with the ear.

Rita Abdallah:

She tells me there's nothing else I want to do but be with them. I can always get to my phone. It'll be there. The first time or two times that I did that, that was a little untethered, but I left it at home and now it's a regular practice and I absolutely love it.

Rita Abdallah:

The world is not going to change in such a dramatic fashion that two hours away from the phone is going to make or break my life, and I'm of a generation where cell phones didn't happen until months later in my life. So, it's now a comfort level. I take comfort in my room where that device is put away. I've also, not only in my own life but as an entire client, considered to not have any digital, any devices in their bedroom, that their bedroom was meant for free and inspiration, and so you create deliberate spaces in the house where devices are not present, whether it's a bedroom, in a kitchen, somewhere else, living room that maybe there are quotes, there's art, there's pictures of people that you care about or travels that you've been on. That just brings you into a moment of solitude and not where's my phone, like a thing You're there to cultivate that solitude?

David Liss:

Are you explaining what a digital break is?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, that is a digital break is or a funeral? Yeah, that is a digital break. There are people who also I have a friend who friends and time-logged heaven and there was no internet access, and there are places now that will ask you to hand over your phones or that you'll not be able to interact with the world, just so that you can have your own internet, one of the things that you can kind of go in a different way.

David Liss:

One of the things that I thought was interesting just in conversation we've had a part from the recording is that we can find ways to just spend our days without clicking our way through the day. Could you speak to that a little bit?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, there are also some other words we can put into our space today. There is a difference between habit and routine and ritual, and habits and routines are the grind, the things that you do every day, and they're mindless. They're your daily routines, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, putting your clothes on, and then there are rituals. I get up, I place both feet on the ground so grateful to be alive and grounded in my life is now a ritual.

Rita Abdallah:

Brushing my teeth, my ability to use my hand, is now a ritual, and so taking none of those things and so much more for granted, that our freedom, our independence, our ability to drive, put clothes on you, look in the mirror and smile all these things are coming from a place of ritual Blessing the day between a start and blessing the day at the end, when everything that happened and everyone you interact with will be free. All those moments collected into one 24-hour period, and you can ask yourself did that today make me smile or did it make me grow? And every day you can come back to our question and find a new answer. You have to do it. Ask yourself, are you in the space of habit and routine just getting through the day, or are you in the spirit of being present with your growth and excited to do all the things that allow you to have a wonderful day? Can you speak?

David Liss:

to how someone like yourself or mental health professionals can help people navigate this and understand themselves better. And are there resources that you're aware of for people who may not have insurance or are shy about maybe seeing a counselor Sure, I'll speak to the resources in that bit a little bit or shy about seeing a counselor?

Rita Abdallah:

Sure, I'll speak to the resources and then dig a little bit. There are resources in communities that allow for discounted or sliding scale therapy options. If you find a therapist that you like when you research online, sometimes they offer a discounted rate. And then there are local nonprofits besides their offer affordable health care. So, there are several ways to get into that. I think. As far as comfort level, people can have one of two options. They can meet with a therapist in a virtual setting and so they can be in the comfort of their own seat having that conversation with somebody on their device. The other is to meet with a therapist in a live setting with a therapy offer. There are options there as well, experiencing social isolation and loneliness and want to take advantage of the opportunity to meet with somebody in a safe, confidential space and get them tools and insights and practices so that they can cultivate more solitude than loneliness in our lives. The compassion, the approach to care can go right from very clinical, specific ways to forward interventions, depending on what the client is seeking.

Rita Abdallah:

Go ahead Sam.

David Liss:

Is there a place for journaling? If someone's going to do something like that, are there two or three things they should look to incorporate into that kind of practice on a daily basis?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes, I'm trained as a social worker and in our perspective, we often say we meet the patient or client where they're at, and one client might want to be fed off, another might want to listen to music, use for exercise, what else. But again, moving out of habit and routine into ritual, I could give homework in a number of different ways. I may encourage them to reach out and talk to somebody and have a conversation or go outside of nature, so it just depends. I would say within the last several months I've recommended books to clients, and I would say value is 50-50. I don't like reading books. Can you send me a video? And there are some things from that author that I could use online. So, it just depends. It's very dependent on the person and their attention span and their motivation. I can recommend something as a name of nothing or director.

David Liss:

Are there any success stories you would like to share from your practice as a therapist?

Rita Abdallah:

With self-isolation and loneliness.

David Liss:

Yes.

Rita Abdallah:

Or how they conquer that.

David Liss:

Or how they. Sometimes, I think we look at everything as a victory, but sometimes it's not like there's a win-loss, but that we found a way to keep the demons at bay, or something like that.

Rita Abdallah:

One of my core philosophies is that life is a practice. You don't rarely, you don't get down, you get up, you get down, you get up, you get down, you get up. So, there's no failures, no passes. And when life is a practice, and a person presents themselves in a therapy setting and yoga settings that what are we practicing? And so, then we move into that practice. Are we going to practice sitting into the loneliness? Are we going to practice moving loneliness of and into solitude? What is it that we're practicing that allows you to feel good and to grow, and I think a success story is me being a humble witness to help people find their life.

David Liss:

That's very nice If you could give people a takeaway. Are there four or five things that you think are most important for people to consider in their own lives as they're trying to establish an ability for solitude and confront any feelings of loneliness that they have in their lives?

Rita Abdallah:

Yes. So, I would say, look at your physical state. Let's start there. What does it look like? Do you have either the colors bright or happy in your space? Do you have pictures, art, toys in your house that allow you to feel connected to others and to your heart? And because what you look at every day impacts on your influence, how does the face around you influence your world and where does your space take you? If you will, I would also take that to the next step, because we spend so much time on our devices, what do your screen savers look like? Doing all for native spirit of joy, peace, love, gratitude and change from love. Right, I flip through sunsets all the time. So anytime I get to watch the sunset, those end up being my screen saver for the week. So that's physical, so that's very simple. So my physical state.

Rita Abdallah:

Emotionally speaking, moving out of the again, the routine habit of moving into ritual is still emotionally valuable. That you're looking forward, you're excited, curious, grateful to brush your teeth, that you're putting your feet on the ground for the first time, that you get to close your eyes, that you feel safe. You keep it very simple on the emotional side. And then, when events occur in your life that seem so overwhelming in nature? How can you get into the nervous system? Take some breath and move yourself back into the neutral. Remind yourself.

Rita Abdallah:

What is the next strategy? Remind yourself what are you practicing in the vulnerable? Are you practicing something good or something that's just safe? Are you practicing something inspiring or practicing something that is painful? You choose and create the practice. Nobody else does thing inspiring or practicing something that you're painful? You choose and create the practice. Nobody else does. And yes, other things will happen, and influence may potentially influence you. But how do you navigate the influence and to what degree is entirely up to you. And then from then, lastly, I would say, the mental force. Your thoughts are temporary, and remind yourself constantly that thoughts can come and go. Recently, there has been an event in my life where I'm asking the same question over and over again and at some point, I stopped and moved into a space of awareness. I realized I was crackling thought. I stopped and became aware that this was not a part of what was serving me, causing suffering, and then, in that moment of awareness, I decided to replace that thought with one of my own servings. I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough, I'm enough.

Rita Abdallah:

I'm enough, I'm enough Over and over again, and whenever the other thought comes back, it's like me doing ten push-ups, right? So, I have to say that thing ten times to get myself out of that space I don't want to be in. I hope these tips are helpful.

David Liss:

No, I think that's great. As we close our conversation, are there parting thoughts or something you'd like to share with our listeners?

Rita Abdallah:

I would say incorporate some of these vocabulary words that I'm about to share into your life. I think having new words creates new energy for us and awareness, and so the words that I want to highlight from our conversation loneliness and longing, solitude and belonging, social isolation, connection and practicing life. So those are great vocabulary words for us to integrate, incorporate as we move along in our day-to-day and then help shape and frame the moment in our lives in ways that allow us to grow and cope in healthy ways.

David Liss:

Are there words that guide you, that you could share with our listeners?

Rita Abdallah:

Yeah, I think we're going to sum up our conversation today, david. It's through this beautiful prayer written by John O'Donohue. It is called A Glyphic Orthodox. May you recognize in your life the presence, power, and lines of your soul. May you realize that you are not alone, that your soul, in its brightness and belonging, connects you intimately with the rhythm of your heart. May you have respect for your own individuality and difference. May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, that you have a special destiny here, that behind the facade of your life there is something beautiful, good, and eternal for you. May you learn to see yourself with the same villain, pride and expectation with which God sees you in every moment.

David Liss:

A huge thanks to our guest, Rita Abdallah. To learn more about Rita and her work as a therapist and speaker, please visit www. R itaAbdallah. com. Thank you for joining us for Wellness Musketeers. Tune in for upcoming episodes. To learn how to live with a greater understanding of the world we experience together. Please subscribe, give us a five-star review, and share this recording with your family and friends. Let us know what you need to learn to help you live your best life. Send your questions and ideas about future episodes to Dave Liss at Davidmliss@gmail. com .

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Dave Liss

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Dr. Richard Kennedy

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